Happy Easter!

Happy Easter everyone! I was thinking about making a list of things to do on Easter, and one of the main things that stuck out in my mind was to watch Easter Parade. So instead of a list, enjoy these clips from an absolutely excellent Easter movie filled with Fred Astaire/Judy Garland magic!

From Commencement to Graduation

At the request of one of my dear friends, this blog post will be directed at college commencement speeches. As we come to a close on our college years, our palms sweat, hearts race and panic sets in as the threat of "the real world" closes in on us. Part of the reason why this is such a shock to us is that no one warns us in the beginning that there is little you can do without a masters degree, and that entry level jobs are few and far between.  If you want to get a job straight out of college, you have to keep an eye on a career goal at an early stage. You have to prepare to have experience when applying or to continue your education. But they don't tell you this during the commencement speech freshman year. Instead, they applaud you for your wise choice in choosing such a fine place of education and glorify the bold, life-altering journey you're about the embark upon. And while this is very uplifting, it might have been more helpful to warn us about this end-of-the-journey panic. This warning might not be the best idea at the very beginning of freshman year, but maybe towards the end of the year or beginning of sophomore year. Commencement helps the skiddish freshmen get that last push out of the nest. Had they been told on their first day in a strange place that they need to be prepared if they ever want a job, they'd probably go running in the opposite direction. But come sophomore year, college students settle into a more comfortable routine and feel they've got a handle on college life. At that point, a get-your-act-together speech might have been helpful. You can't predict a bad job market or where your future will take you, but you can keep an eye on a goal and work towards it the best you can. One way or another, we will find jobs, we will have roofs over our heads, and we will be settled again. Consider this a second freshman year. We're being pushed out of the nest again... with a slightly less uplifting commencement speech.

Some of the Best LOLCats Ever

Learn from my Failures: Exercise Motivation

Regular exercise is something that has proven to keep me, not only healthy, but happy on a daily basis. There's nothing like that just-went-to-the-gym feeling. The problem is getting out of bed and getting to the gym. Foreseeing this problem, I got a wiifit for snowy, lazy days when I couldn't fathom leaving my room. However, this did not solve the problem. Sure I had a means of exercising in my own room, but now I had to get out of bed, get out the wiifit balance board, turn on the wii console, and then get going. There will always be an excuse not to exercise. But there are things you can do to make excuses easier to muffle. In the case of the wiifit, I started leaving the wii balance board out in the middle of the room with the remote nearby so everything I needed was all set. This also proves helpful when trying to get yourself to practice an instrument more. Whenever I wanted to practice piano more but was too lazy, I would leave the music out on the piano with the bench pulled out and the keys exposed. That way, I had no excuse not to play because everything was ready for me. Another great way to get yourself motivated to go to the gym is to have pictures of yourself at the ideal weight or fit people you admire around your room or on your desktop so you're reminded of your goal. The most effective way I've found to keep a fitness regime is to have a workout buddy and a routine. I maintained a regular exercise schedule once I found a routine with some variety (e.g. yoga two days of the week, zumba two days of the week, running three days of the week) and a friend who wanted to share the same routine. That way, even if I didn't feel like going to the gym, I didn't want to let down my workout buddy by not joining her. Getting the initial boost of motivation is the hard part, after about a week or so of this kind of a routine, it will seem weird not to go to the gym.

Time Heals All Wounds

Before I went to college, I'd only been to my paternal uncle and grandmother's funeral. And while they were both obviously depressing events, I wasn't as close to them as I was to other relatives. Four years later, I've now lost my maternal grandmother (and last grandparent) who inspired and comforted me and my uncle who helped keep my family together after my grandmother's passing. I almost lost at least three friends to suicide and now just lost Dustin. Needless to say, my time in college has had its fill of trials to accompany the good times. On days like these when all I want to do is stay in bed and stare at the wall, my friends and family help me get through. It's when I'm alone that it's the worst. Watching a cute cartoon with a friend, crying in my mom's arms, and getting myself outside to run in the rain all help me. There's no one way to deal with grief, but for me, giving myself a few days to cry and be depressed followed by constant distraction seems to help. The pain may never completely go away, but it can get easier to the point where you don't notice it. Never underestimate the power of family and friends.

Grief

A good friend of mine and old crush passed away today. He struggled with depression for years and finally lost his battle. It hasn't even hit me yet and probably won't for a while since this is such a sudden shock. All I can think to say is please know that there will always be someone there for you, even if it's a complete stranger on the end of a help line. You never know who or just how much people love you until it's too late. So live without regrets, take chances, and if you love someone let them know.

Rest in peace Dustin

Movie Review: "Manos: The Hands of Fate"

When watching a '60s horror movie, we don't expect to be dazzled by special effects or shaking with fear, but Manos: The Hands of Fate goes to new levels of disappointment. I've written a few posts on bad movies recently, which I partially attribute to a group of friends who enjoy laughing at poorly-made movies and partially to a cult film class. It is essential when watching Manos, or any of these terrible movies I've mentioned, to watch with a sense of humor and a group of friends who can appreciate its badness with you. Manos is a horror movie about a couple on their vacation with their daughter and dog who get lost on the beaten trail and stumble upon lodging occupied by some unusual characters. Torgo, a quasi-ram-legged house servant, greets them and speaks of "the master" who is away but will return and be displeased with the child's presence. The movie is just over an hour long, and yet my friends and I coudn't help but keep checking the clock. The first ten minutes or so consists of repetitive driving shots and confusion. What little dialogue there is looks somewhat dubbed and only partially matched. Obsession with a portrait of "the master" and his dog becomes even more ridiculous when we see the mater and his happy, friendly dog. The characters are absolutely idiotic and the dialogue seems improvised, or at least I would hope it was in order to give the writer more credibility.

I think I tried to repress some of the movie, but what remains after the hour were some lingering questions. Who is Manos? The master speaks about pleasing Manos and directly talks to Manos is a somewhat satanic ritual, but we never get an explanation of what/who Manos is. What happens to Torgo? The last time we see him, he runs off after his face was touched by a group of the master's wives (as a form of torture) and his hand was cut off and set on fire (in one quick movement). The master and his wives talk about sacrificing Torgo for his insolence, but at the end of the ritual, they have his burning hand and he runs off to some unknown land. And finally, what are we supposed to be afraid of? The monster is merely a man who sleeps, has multiple wives, and burns hands of insolent servants. Besides a moment of hand-sacrifice to the mysterious Manos, the antagonists are creepy at worst.

Movie Review: Battlefield Earth

Roger Christian's Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000 is a movie starring John Travolta, Forest Whitacker and Barry Pepper based on the L. Ron Hubbard's book. Hubbard founded the Church of Scientology and this movie is meant to reflect some Scientology beliefs. Now, I don't know a lot about Scientology, but after seeing this movie, I have no desire to be a part of it. Battlefield Earth is known as one of the worst movies ever made, which wouldn't be so bad if it hadn't been such a big-budget film. Jon Stewart described Battlefield Earth as "a cross between Stars Wars and the smell of ass", however I would say it's a cross between Star Wars, Planet of the Apes, amateur Shakespearean theater and a train wreck.

Before getting into the technical details and why this film is so laughably bad, here's a quick plot summary. It is the year 3000 and humans are on the verge of extinction after a humanoid alien race (who are eight feet tall and have dreadlocks/unusual facial hair) called Psychlos have ruled Earth the past thousand years. After being abused and eventually put to use as gold miners, Johnny Goodboy Tyler (Pepper) learns the Psychlo's ways and leads a rebellion.

John Travolta seems to be the only one who thinks this movie was a good idea. In fact, he was so excited about making this movie that he contributed a good deal of his own money to have it made. What's most confusing is how a talented actor like Travolta manages to give such a ridiculous performance so seriously. The performances from all the actors are overdone and laughable. The lines are delivered with inconsistent accents and a mock-Shakespearean air that makes the movie quotable purely for the hilarious emphases (e.g. "Do you WANT LUNCH?!", "While YOU were still learning how to SPELL YOUR NAME, I was learning how to CONQUER GALAXIES!").  

One of the main problems in the technical aspects of the film alone was the double-open swipe. As a transition between almost every scene, a swipe was used coming from the center of the screen out to the edges of the shot. These seemed to serve no purpose and just made the movie all the more cheesy and ridiculous. However the most distracting and problematic aspect of the cinematography was the overwhelming amount of canted angles. I counted approximately four or five level angles throughout this two-hour movie. They were used to the point where they weren't serving their purpose unless they were meant to make the audience tilt their heads, which they were doing anyways. Along the same lines, there were certain aspects of Battlefield Earth that were simply not done well. The humans ("man animals") and psychlos spoke different languages and yet we only get slight grunts hinting at a foreign language, otherwise they both speak English. They also couldn't breathe the same air, and while they did a good job of making sure the humans and psychlos weren't wearing the air masks at the same time, there are certain points when the humans are able to breathe in certain areas and we don't know why.

If you're going to watch Battlefield Earth: A Saga of the Year 3000, do so with an expectation for the most entertainingly bad movie you've ever seen. Prepare for a futureistic post-apocalyptic epic filled with overdone performances, canted angles and double-open swipes. And if the open-ended conclusion leaves you wanting more hilarious sub-mediocrity, remember that it only covers the first half of Hubbard's book and John Travolta still has plenty of cash to spare. Here's hoping for the sequel.

Great Karaoke Songs

For those of you who are looking for songs to sing out at the top of your lungs in front of a crowd, I highly suggest the following list (head banging is encouraged).

Livin' on a Prayer- Bon Jovi
Don't Stop Believing- Journey
Smells like Teen Spirit- Nirvana
Bohemian Rhapsody- Queen
Respect- Aretha Franklin
Crazy Bitch- Buckcherry
I Love Rock n Roll- Joan Jett
Fly Like an Eagle- Steve Miller Band
Pour Some Sugar on Me- Def Leppard
Sweet Home Alabama- Lynyrd Skynyrd
Rock and Roll All Night- Kiss
Saturday Night's Alright for Fighting- Elton John
Higher Round- Stevie Wonder
Kryptonite- 3 Doors Down
Eye of the Tiger- Survivor

Robot Unicorn Attack

I was staying over at a friend's house the other day and I started to hear a familiar tune. Without really being aware of it, I started singing along. After a minute or two, my friend turned to me and said, "Oh, have you played Robot Unicorn Attack before?" After I told her I'd never heard of it, she exclaimed, "How do you know that song!?! I thought it was made up for this game!!!" To this day, I have no idea how I knew that song ("Always" by Erasure), but it contributed to the beginning of my new time-consuming obsession: Robot Unicorn Attack. It's an online video game that can be found on adultswim.com and is also on facebook. You get three lives ("wishes") and you run and increasing speed from platform to platform as you jump over hurdles and shoot stars. It sounds simple, but gets more challenging and addicting the longer you're able to stay alive. All while this absurdly addictive song is playing in the background, you (the robot unicorn) runs with flying dolphins, leaves a trail of rainbows as it jumps and runs at breakneck speeds by the time you're through. It's an excellent, addicting game on it's own, but facebook adds the element of competition by showing your friends' high scores, giving you more incentive to keep playing. While this game is great if you're interested in stamina games in funny fantasy settings, I wouldn't suggest you play it unless you're prepared to take on a new addiction and song stuck in your head.

(For those of you who are less inclined towards fantasy, there is also a heavy metal version)

Movie Review: Eraserhead

Eraserhead is one of those films that people really have a hard time interpreting, and while most confusing movies become cleared up through director's commentary or critical reviews, this is one movie where the director is of little help and apparently no one has eve come close to guessing his intent. The story follows Henry in a dead, industrial city where he tries to adjust to his new life as the father of a mutant premature child after having just found out that he impregnated his girlfriend. There are painfully long silent scenes and drawn out glances that create an awkward, somewhat frightening feeling where the viewer doesn't know what to think or expect. When watching the film, one can't help but notice how very abstract and  expressionistic throughout and there was a lot of symbolism that is difficult to interpret throughout the film, especially with regards to outer space. In terms of gender, there were no particularly good female characters, however Mary was pitiable at times. Henry, however, wasn't a very good (in terms of good vs. evil) character himself. We pity him initially, but as the film goes on we begin to dislike him for cheating on his wife and killing his child. Jack Nance does a great job portraying Henry because, even though he does hardly anything worthy of approval throughout the film, it's still hard not to pity him because of his expressions throughout the film alone.

Some suggest the movie is a critique of the "shotgun wedding" idea of getting married because of pregnancy, others think it's a critique of a potential industrial, post-apocalyptic world. What does David Lynch have to say on the subject? Absolutely nothing. Lynch doesn't like to tell his intent when making a film and would rather the audience interpret it for themselves. All Lynch has said on the subject is that no one's theory has even come close to his original intent in making the film. So if you enjoy a good puzzle and interpreting a film in a new and interesting way, Eraserhead would be a great film to watch.

Hotdog Pasta... Better than you Think

I've been trying more and more to teach myself to cook and, although there have definitely been some cooking disasters, this one actually turned out pretty well. Do you like hotdogs? Do you like pasta? Why not combine the two?! Here's what you'll need:

Hotdogs (Turkey weiners, or ham could also work...or bratwurst)
Ketchup
Mayonnaise
Noodles
Onion
Pickles
Relish

As most cooking experiments usually start, I searched through the cupboards and refrigerator for anything I could find that might work well together. I found some miniature turkey weiners, pasta noodles, relish, and other typical hotdog fixings. Actual hotdogs may have worked better, but I found the turkey the be pretty great. We had all the makings for hotdogs except the buns. I figured, buns are a bread/carb. Noodles are a bread-like thing/carb. I suppose that could substitute. So, I cooked the noodles and turkey weiners. I mixed ketchup and a bit of mayo to make a kind of hotdog spaghetti sauce and threw it in with the noodles until I got to consistency I wanted. Then, I cut up the turkey and some onions and threw it in. I threw in a little relish and pickles and voila! Hotdog pasta!

Who Says Swing Dancing's Dead?

An Absolutely Delicious Drink

As previously mentioned, there is a bar on my college campus. They have deals every day and specialty drinks with some kind of theme related to the school. I tried one of these specialty drinks, made a few changes, and discovered my new favorite alcoholic beverage. I didn't think of a name for it, but I'm considering something like Vamarilla since it tastes like some kind of vanilla/amaretto mixture. Here it is:

1 part tequila
2 parts amaretto
Sprite (or 7up/Sierra Mist)

It's absolutely delicious. For those of you who don't like tequila, the amaretto covers the taste if mixed properly. If mixed just right, it tastes like vanilla and amaretto. It's refreshing, light and delicious. Enjoy!

Leggings

I'm convinced more and more every day that women do not look in the mirror before they leave the house. I know I'm no fashion expert, but there is one fashion fad that I will never be able to get behind. Leggings as pants. And not just any leggings. Tight spandex leggings that could double as tights. This Peter Pan look is beyond wrong. At least in Neverland or Shakespearean times they wore some form of pants over their tights. These leggings are not only idiotic, but they're unflattering and nonsensical. The point of tights/leggings is to cover up your thighs if your dress is too short or to add some extra warmth. Leggings as pants are just another way for women to show off their butt and wear as little as possible while getting away with it. However, this fashion choice leaves nothing to the imagination and gives off the impression of being easy as opposed to classy. With this look, one might as well not be wearing anything and just go out in their panties and shirt. Please ladies, take a long look in the mirror before you leave your house and consider putting on some pants.

Movie Review: Pink Flamingos

Pink Flamingos is John Waters most famous film and is advertised as “one of the most vile, stupid and repulsive films ever made.” After hearing details a few years ago about a scene where the protagonist eats dog feces, I promised myself I would never watch this movie. Unfortunately, I was assigned a presentation on John Waters and felt I had a responsibility to sit through Pink Flamingos. The rest of the class watched his later film, Cry Baby because they felt that they wouldn’t be able to sit through all of Pink Flamingos based on what they’ve read of it. Cult films and midnight movies such as Pink Flamingos are meant to be gross on some level to glorify the outcasts as opposed to looking down on them. However, Pink Flamingos took this to a traumatizing level. Anything and everything that someone wouldn’t want to watch is in this movie- from eating poop to vomiting to rape to do-it-yourself artificial insemination. But all of this would be a bit more tolerable to watch if there was less amateur filming techniques and if it wasn’t known for actually doing most of the things that happen in the movie. Surprisingly, the incest and rape scenes were almost easier to watch than some other scenes because the viewer can simply tell him/herself that it’s only a movie and that the people aren’t actually related or being raped. However, the protagonist (Divine) is known for having actually eaten the poop and there is a sex scene where a chicken is actually killed before the viewers eyes after being smothered between the couple having sex. Knowing that these events are real and having the film relentlessly show us this from dog to mouth or struggling chicken to bloody mess, makes this film not only difficult to watch, but traumatic. Even knowing of the most notoriously repulsive scenes won’t make the film any easier to watch because just when you think you’ve passed the worst of it, it maintains its level of repulsion consistently throughout the movie. John Waters succeeded in making the most repulsive movie of all time, but the viewer should know his/her limits (and gag reflex) before deciding to watch it.

April Fool's Day Mishap

April Fool's Day has always been a somewhat traumatic day for me. When I was younger, my older sister loved to torment me and play pranks on me, even when it wasn't a holiday calling for such behavior. She would force feed me crayons and claim they were medicine, sign me into servitude, and blame me for absolutely everything. Needless to say, I was scared out of my wits come April Fool's Day. One year, I begged and begged my sister not to do anything in the middle of the night as a prank and, even though she promised she wouldn't, I was still in terror as I fell asleep. In my innocent slumber, I felt a pricking on my forehead. I batted it away and it persisted, getting more and more irritating. Finally it woke me up and as I turned around me to see what it was, I saw a dark figure dart below my headboard. Terrified that someone had broken into my house and was trying to kidnap and/or kill me, I screamed out bloody murder for my mom. Sure enough, my sister popped up from below my bed and told me to stop screaming. Now, just to give a bit of background information, I had a rash the previous few days and my arms were itchy. My sister thought it would be hilarious to paint little red dots all over my face, cover me in baby powder to make me look pale, and spray hair spray around my face so I didn't feel well and thought I had the chickenpox. This was hands down, one of the most terrifying ways I could have woken up that night. So please, enjoy this holiday responsibly and try not to traumatize your siblings.